August 2017 - Good Enough?
As I settle into my new job and find a routine, I’m finding my confidence and joy in veterinary medicine. I’m not performing life-saving surgery or diagnosing rare illnesses at a glance, but I am making clinical decisions which I have confidence in. Trusting my instincts isn’t easy, but there is an art to veterinary medicine as well as science and sometimes there is more than one right answer. After one particularly tough day in which everything I did ended up a bit of a bodge job I went upstairs to speak to my clinical coach about my general feeling of uselessness. “My skin sutures were awful”, I wailed. “I had to put staples in my stitch up”, I sniffled. She sat me down and looked at me square in the face, “Did you remove the dog’s testicles? Did you do the job you set out to do?” I did, I reluctantly agreed, but it could have been better. She cut me off, “On this day, for this job, were you good enough?”
Good enough.
Initially I bridled at those words, being good enough is the same as average, as just getting by, as something us Type A personalities will not countenance. And then I thought about it again. Was I good enough to perform this procedure, am I good enough to go out and see this itchy donkey? Or that lame pony? And the more I thought about it, the more I realised that yes, I was good enough to do this job. Maybe not perfectly, definitely not without some wobbles along the way; but I am capable of being a vet.
But, on the other side of the coin... Being good enough is also knowing when you’re not good enough and the time to ask for help. So when I’ve tried to pass a nasogastric tube for the 3rd time in a horse with a suspected impaction with a worried owner looking on, I know I need to call for back up. Or when I’ve spent what feels like hours hunting down a cat’s uterine horn during a spay but instead keep pulling out omentum like a string of never-ending handkerchiefs from a magicians hat, I need a another pair of eyes. I want to be as independent as possible, but I also don’t want to make a stupid mistake; I want to make my own clinical decisions, but I don’t want to overlook something important in a misplaced sense of confidence. It helps that if I fall too far in either camp the senior vets here are happy to give me a push back into the middle, with no snide comments or rolling of eyes, instead full of helpful advice and reassurance.
I am definitely my own worst critic when a case doesn’t go the way I hoped and I feel terrible when I find out I’ve missed something. Having to use people’s beloved or prized animals as a learning curve is a horrible feeling though, and definitely not one they prepare you for in vet school! The only comfort I can give myself in these situations is that I will learn from the experience and hopefully not repeat my mistakes. Despite the ups and downs, I’m finding my busier days and increased responsibilities exhilarating. Although I’m definitely looking forward to a wee break in Liverpool in a couple of weeks for BEVA Congress – see you all there!
Good enough.
Initially I bridled at those words, being good enough is the same as average, as just getting by, as something us Type A personalities will not countenance. And then I thought about it again. Was I good enough to perform this procedure, am I good enough to go out and see this itchy donkey? Or that lame pony? And the more I thought about it, the more I realised that yes, I was good enough to do this job. Maybe not perfectly, definitely not without some wobbles along the way; but I am capable of being a vet.
But, on the other side of the coin... Being good enough is also knowing when you’re not good enough and the time to ask for help. So when I’ve tried to pass a nasogastric tube for the 3rd time in a horse with a suspected impaction with a worried owner looking on, I know I need to call for back up. Or when I’ve spent what feels like hours hunting down a cat’s uterine horn during a spay but instead keep pulling out omentum like a string of never-ending handkerchiefs from a magicians hat, I need a another pair of eyes. I want to be as independent as possible, but I also don’t want to make a stupid mistake; I want to make my own clinical decisions, but I don’t want to overlook something important in a misplaced sense of confidence. It helps that if I fall too far in either camp the senior vets here are happy to give me a push back into the middle, with no snide comments or rolling of eyes, instead full of helpful advice and reassurance.
I am definitely my own worst critic when a case doesn’t go the way I hoped and I feel terrible when I find out I’ve missed something. Having to use people’s beloved or prized animals as a learning curve is a horrible feeling though, and definitely not one they prepare you for in vet school! The only comfort I can give myself in these situations is that I will learn from the experience and hopefully not repeat my mistakes. Despite the ups and downs, I’m finding my busier days and increased responsibilities exhilarating. Although I’m definitely looking forward to a wee break in Liverpool in a couple of weeks for BEVA Congress – see you all there!
Enjoying a Pimms after a day of being the Official Veterinarian at Jersey Racecourse
Catching up on EVE while enjoying the Jersey sunshine!
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